Ask Kathryn: My ex invited me to spend Christmas with him and his family
Dear Kathryn,
My ex-boyfriend just invited me to spend Christmas with him and his family. My family hasn't made any Christmas plans yet and aren't likely to. I really like his family and I think they like me so I want to go...but the cons list to going is also pretty long: I'd miss some work, it would be expensive to travel, and well... I might have to explain why I'm there and how we broke up to extended relatives and stuff (he has a big family) which would be kind of downer. What do you think?
-ToTravelOrNot
Dear ToTravelOrNot,
What does your intuition/gut tell you? Sit with the decision to go and see how your body feels.
My initial thought is… I think you should go for it! If you have a healthy relationship with your ex and feel close to his family, it could be a great way to spend the holiday. Yes, traveling is expensive and taking off work can feel stressful but once you are there, you are on a true vacation! When I reflect back on all the traveling I have done, both positive and negative experiences, I don’t regret any of it. Remember, wintertime is a great time to hunker down and save some money for back up. If the financial part feels like too much of a burden, would/should you even be considering it? I don’t even let myself consider things I truly can’t afford.
When it comes to his extended family, you don’t necessarily owe anyone an explanation. Your relationship business is yours to share if you feel comfortable doing so. If you can be relaxed and joyful there, his family will appreciate your presence. Your ex should let everyone know ahead of time that you are joining. He can tell them that your family isn’t doing anything for the holidays and that he invited you to join. He can ask if anyone has any questions ahead of time to clear the air before you both get there. You can also practice what you would say if someone asks you about it. “We are thankful for the time that we spent as a couple and are grateful that we have worked through our challenges and are friends again”.
‘Tis the season to be merry and jolly so do what will bring you joy. If you travel, enjoy the experience. If you decide it’s not in the cards for you, make sure you do something that lifts your spirit.
