Column: Three steps forward, one back - Love moves ahead
By Nancy Turner
Sometimes it seems our culture is sliding backwards. Respect, appreciation and inclusion of those who are different are diminishing. In the news there’s so much turmoil and chaos. I am afraid for my friends and neighbors who are “different.” I need reassurance that eventually as a society we’ll come to our senses and rediscover a reverence for equality. I need to know that our capacity to nurture the enduring force of love will help us survive these trying times.
I recently came across my notes from a ceremony I attended more than twenty years ago. I’ll share my recollections with you.
Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth
It all started in 1953, when two handsome men in their early twenties, Eric and Eugene, serendipitously met in a Chicago restaurant, and fell in love.
Eugene Woodsworth was born in 1928. He was a passionate dancer, trained in classical ballet and modern dance.
Eric Marcoux was born in 1930. In his youth he escaped family turmoil by attending the Catholic church. At sixteen he entered a Trappist Monastery in Kentucky. Seven years later he ended his vow of silence, moved to Chicago, and shortly thereafter, met Eugene.
As a young couple, they moved to Portland, Oregon, and established an artistic home and lovely garden.
Eugene worked as a technician for many years at Tektronix. Eric attended art school at the Portland Art Museum and later taught art there.
As Eric continued to explore his spirituality, he shifted from Catholicism to Buddhism. Along with teaching meditation and actings as the guiding teacher of the Waking Peacock Sangha in Portland, Eric participated in religious dialog between members of the Buddhist and Evangelical Christian communities. Given his experience as a Trappist monk, he was well suited for that role.
In 2003, to celebrate their milestone of fifty years together, Eugene and Eric invited their numerous friends and spiritual cohorts to join them in Portland and witness their Recommitment Ceremony. It was like a wedding but without the formal attire. The couple wrote their own vows. The event gave us all the opportunity to honor our common bond and reflect on capacity for love.
Eric opened the gathering by highlighting the extraordinary societal changes and community support that enabled their relationship to take root and flourish. This is how he put it:
“Our coming together is one of many signs of collective growth in our human family. There was a time – a short time ago – when such a celebration could not have happened. A short time ago those of us who are gay, or lesbian would not have had the courage or opportunity to stand in front of you. A short time ago, those of you who are not gay, or lesbian would probably have been equally lacking in courage and opportunity to sit in a place like this, helping two same-sex humans celebrate their love for one another. As we gay men and lesbians have come out, so have you come out – you aren’t gay or lesbians but you have sons, daughters, uncles, aunts, grandmothers, grandfathers, and friends who are. It has taken courage – and love and respect – to come out. What a long way we have all come.’
“Any oppressed minority has a lot of anger to process. Having processed that anger, there is the inevitable recognition that all humans have suffered some kind of oppression, even if it is only being protected from the realities of life. That too is a distortion of one’s humanity.’
“Gay men and lesbians have been lied to in a particularly destructive way. We have been taught we can’t love. We have been taught that we are corrupt, sinful, willfully evil, psychologically damaged beings. We have been told that God hates us and wills our destruction. We have been taught that plagues, famines, and general bad weather are the result of our being permitted to live. Most crucial of all, we have been told we can’t love. That Eugene and I are here tonight, that you are here tonight, is a witness to the ending of that lie.” (Edited for clarity and length.)
Kneeling, facing each other on the raised platform at the front of the room, as couples do before a priest or minister, Eugene spoke his vow.
“Eric, you embody what I love, what I fear, what confuses me, what instructs and leads me. You elicit both the worst and the best of me. Whether in a garden, at a lake, in a forest, or at a table set for food, you, my partner, embody all phenomena of the outer and inner world. It is my conviction that I do the same for you.’
“I now, on this spot, consciously commit myself myself to our mutual evolution in wisdom and compassion. The stream of passion, aggression and ignorance, pride and greed, which are subject to transformation into wisdom, are now mutually ours. Your neurosis is my neurosis, and your wisdom is my wisdom.’
“From this moment on I shall cultivate generosity, discipline, patience, cheerfulness, mindfulness and wisdom in my heart and mind.”
Eric repeated the vow to Eugene. They exchanged rings, saying, “I have worn your ring (symbolically) for fifty years. May I do so lifetime after lifetime.”
As a group, we sang the mantra Om Mani Pad Me Hum. This is a blessing of caring for those whom we love, caring for those whom we hate and fear, caring for those whom we never think of. I recall leaving the ceremony feeling optimistic. I believed our culture was becoming more tolerant of differences and caring for one another.
Facing a terminal diagnosis of congestive heart failure, Eugene and Eric married legally on December 13, 2013, in Washington state. Same sex-marriage was not yet recognized in Oregon. Eugene died eight days after their marriage, at home in the arms of his husband.
Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth
In all, Eugene and Eric remained a loving couple for sixty ytears.
Eric died in December 2024. Nearly 500 pieces of artwork were auctioned. The proceeds benefitted various causes, including the Cascade AIDs Project and the Portland Queer Documentary Film Festival.
Remembering this couple and how they lived through a time of intolerance to a time when they could openly celebrate their union, gives me hope. These days our culture is becoming more judgmental and divided. Human rights are diminishing. Lines are drawn in the sand, borders closed.
I find comfort in the fact that we have indeed made progress, even when we seem to be slipping backward. Sometimes progress is like hiking in snow on a slippery slope. Two steps forward, slide one step back, then, two steps forward. Eventually one reaches the mountain top. Knowing extraordinary change is possible gives us all the opportunity to renew our love, our growth, and our commitment to one another, individually and as a human family.
