Book Review: 'rough house' proves evocative through love's glory and ugliness

By Yahaira Alvarez

When I first heard about a local author writing a memoir, I was immediately intrigued. I’ve always been a bookworm and to finally see my little town of The Dalles, Ore., be written about, I had to read it.

Tina Ontiveros's rough house describes an image that is so vivid, you can feel the forests and the edge of the Oregon desert- sight, sound and the feel of the air are all wrapped up in her words. The most striking parts of the book for me were Ontiveros’s thoughts about resilience, embracing trauma scars, and recognizing that the past creates the person you are today. Her descriptions of what it’s like to experience and remember trauma are, in my opinion, the most accurate I have read.

Her story is about growing up with her abusive, yet entertaining father. It also provides an insight into how generational trauma affected her life, and the women involved. The story of violent men and societal restrictions, of children not always chosen and frequently raised alone. Reflecting on her father’s death and long absence from her life, she wrote her life’s story in an attempt to carve out this relationship, to understand her father and her family from an adult perspective.

She writes about childhood trauma and asks the reader to reevaluate common beliefs:

"I think we tell ourselves children are resilient because it relieves us of worry about the trauma they endure. But there is no trauma that doesn't wound and I don't know that injury can fully heal. Nothing that's broken can ever be whole like it was before breaking. Maybe instead of fooling ourselves that our children will heal, that they'll be restored or cleaned of their traumas, we should teach them to find beauty in their scars." How true for adults and children alike? How often we excuse and normalize chaos and trauma caused by our loved ones. 

The complexity of her family’s abusive relationship with their father is written in such a profound way, it’ll leave you reflecting on childhood trauma and abuse culture. Her writing is very evocative. I could imagine every place she lived, her adventures with her brother and her love of nature. It's an amazing story of survival, forgiveness and moving forward while still staying tethered to the forces that make us who we are. Most importantly, recognizing love in all its glory and ugliness.