National Memorial Act gains ground on funding 'Rushmore' of the Pacific Northwest
Microsoft’s Bill Gates
The Dalles, Ore., April 1, 2024 — Funding for a national memorial in the Columbia Gorge is gaining ground as major donors are kicking in plenty of cash to ensure their likeness is chiseled into history and the basalt cliffs just upstream of The Dalles.
The $195 million House Bill that would fund “Fathers of the Columbia Gorge,” appears to be reaching critical mass as the U.S. House has sent the bill onto the Senate where it has already been assigned to committee and is expected to gain full support with few changes.
Google’s Larry Page
Senators describe the monument as the '“Mount Rushmore for a new generation” as the basalt will be carved into the likeness of four major tech giants from the past 50 years, an homage to the massive wealth brought on by computers and its supporting technology.
Google’s Sergey Brin
Lirpa Sloof, a Czecghslovakian Artist known for her many private rock carvings of industry giants, is awaiting the commissioning of the work, which is slated to begin next fall if the bill clears the Senate.
The Monument would feature the faces of Microsoft Founder Bill Gates, Google Founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Apple CEO Tim Cook and Facebook CEO Mark Zuckergerg in that order.
Facebook’s Mark Zukerberg
“This bill would not likely be getting the support it has if it were not for the significant contributions already being made by the tech leaders who will be memorialized by it,” said one Senator under the condition of anonymity.
Close up of where the Monument will be chiseled.
Local leaders were struck by the shear audacity of the project, noting it will take decades to complete the sculpture, similar to Mount Rushmore, as artist Lirpa Sloof, known for her isolationism, intends to do most if not all of the work and has yet to learn a single rock-climbing skill.
“This seems like a crazy idea,” said Lyle Resident Steve Smith. “But you could say that about my new Apple Vision Pro too. And look at me I just found out all about you by looking at you. So that’s not crazy is it?”
It is estimated some 500 million tons of rock will be chiseled from the basalt to ingratiate these modern men of Industry in the Columbia Gorge National Scenic Area.
“This is kind of a no-brainer,” one Senator was heard stating behind a closed-door meeting. “These men have worked their entire lives to make the lives of Americans better and so much of their work depends on the massive amounts of power generated at dams right here in the Columbia River. This is a natural. And people should be able to see who’s got the juice.”
The Senators could also be overheard saying to each other in hushed tones, “Happy April Fools Day.”
